How to Keep an Open Mind While Abroad in Three Nearly Impossible Steps!

You know those people who are in, like, terrible relationships? Everyone can see it, seemingly, except the invested party, who is busy projecting their ideal characteristics onto this slob with such dedication as to not even notice the disparities.

Well, that’s what it looks like to me when some tourists, students, and expats arrive in Italy. That’s not to say that Italy is a slob, mind you, just in some instances strikingly different from what people convince themselves they’re seeing. I get it- you’ve dreamt your whole life of coming to Italy, of living a romantic experience like you’ve seen in the movies, or want to connect with the Italy a relative experienced a few generations ago. But, like in interpersonal relationships, you’ll be much happier if you take the time to see who’s actually in front of you. How? Let’s break it down into three nearly impossible steps!

Step One: Leave what you thought you knew at the door.

Repeat after me.

Did grandpa tell you what everything would look like? No, he didn’t.

Do you have a recipe that was passed down for generations? No, you don’t.

Are Tik Tok influencers taking over your algorithms with insider information? No, they aren’t.

Well, maybe they are, and if you’re reading this, you’re already cheating, but I promise, no spoiler alerts here. Italy is a lot of things, different things, depending on where you go. Different, also, as filtered through the unique set of eyes that sees them. So, don't contaminate the view with preconceived notions that will leave you feeling disappointed. 

As a chronic “researcher,” I do feel your pain and I’m not saying to come here unprepared. Look up the weather and the clothes you should bring, by all means. When it comes to what life is like here, though, start practicing radical acceptance now and thank me later.

Step Two: Give yourself time to adjust

If you dump a goldfish into a new aquarium without letting it adjust first, do you know what happens? If you do, well, I'm sorry for your loss. So, leave yourself in a plastic bag long enough to regulate because any opinion you form in this stage is simply not how you’ll feel further down the road.

I’ll give you a personal example. In Italy they really do eat pasta once a day in many families. Right now you’re thinking, “I could eat pasta every day!” Could you? Have you ever tried? I couldn’t stand the sight of it shortly after moving here, it felt like eating the same thing every day, but then my palate became a little more refined and now I can appreciate the subtle differences between the various dishes (and, while I don’t eat it every single day, I eat pasta… often.).

Step Three: Shhh

Does anyone remember the show Family Matters? Nerd genius Steve Urkel would always shush people who were trying to get his attention as he did his experiments. Shhh, not while I’m pouring! Let that be your mantra for the first little while. If you’ve successfully completed step one, you’ve got a clean slate to start filling and you’ll need to be concentrated and perceptive. Take it all in quietly, gather as many experiences as you can. Talk to everyone, eat everything, ask all the questions. Remember that it takes at least ten tries of a new food before you’re able to know if you like it or not and this applies to more than just food. Instead, keep a journal, a private one, where you get your thoughts out and try to make sense of them. Journals are great places to ask yourself important questions, like

How did that make me feel?

 or Was it actually adjective? or Did everyone just tell me it would be adjective?

or How DO you get olive oil stains out of clothes?

Bonus Step: Speaking of laundry…

Remember that, particularly in places like Venice, Florence, and Rome, where the majority of visitors are found, stereotypes SELL. People who want to make money capitalize on vulnerable foreigners by baiting them with the things they thought they would see. Checkered table clothes and hanging laundry abound. In Italy, the checkered tablecloth DOES have a history and people really DO hang their laundry outside to dry, but ask yourself, does it make sense that laundry would be hanging this way in the middle of the financial district? Is this restaurant open during traditional Italian meal times or is it open all the time to cater to the needs of tourism? Am I in Italy or in a Disneyland pavilion? 

I guess, really, my advice is that keeping an open mind takes time and it takes practice. You will fail at this. Trying not to be influenced by others and their opinions has become a herculean task, but I believe in you! Thinking and changing a mindset is to the brain what lifting weights is to the body. In other words, consistency is key. Wake up every day and remind yourself that your observations and experiences are yours, here in Italy and everywhere else in the world. Let them wash over you, wade through the feelings, and you’ll discover that you can be open minded about pretty much anything.