Thank God I Moved Abroad in my Twenties, A Personal Reflection of the Benefits of Leaving Home
Have you seen the coffee trend going around on social media? It goes something like… “I met my 20-year-old self for coffee. She showed up 10 minutes late, but I was on time. She ordered a double espresso and I had herbal tea. She told me about her dreams and I immediately squashed them with my 2025 brand pungent existential dread.” Well, maybe not quite like that. Still, I would love to go back in time and share some insider info with my younger self, even though I wouldn’t advise her to do anything differently. There are so many benefits to having moved abroad in my twenties and, since time travel isn’t yet on the menu, I’m happy to share with you, sans the existential dread!
Most people think back on their twenties fondly, with a laugh at mistakes made, and a twinkle in their eye at the memory of wild nights and freedom. Truth be told, I was a little broken in my early twenties. High school had been rough. Shoot, middle school had been rough. University was going well for me and I was slowly finding my people, only to be hit with an unexpected death in the family, which completely ripped the rug out from underneath me. I can’t deny that my first trip to Italy was an escape of sorts. I packed my grief and the broken pieces of myself into a suitcase and set off alone to the eternal city.
For the first time, I was in a place where no one knew me. I grew up in the suburbs of Pittsburgh. The area I lived in was a typical upper-middle class neighborhood where people did well in school, in their careers, and in life. Almost everyone went to college, most of whom chose Penn State, which was referred to as our alma mater’s grades 13 through 16. Come to think of it, I can list off several married couples derived from classmates. Back then, it was referred to as, “the bubble.” It felt suffocating and inescapable to me and, after so many years of being told who I was, of being typecast in the movie of my own life, I had started to believe it. To be clear, it was a really nice bubble and I am thrilled for all the people who found happiness there, but it wasn’t my journey. Moving abroad, to a brand new city where not a soul knew me from Adam was life changing in the best of ways. I can still recall walking through the streets of Rome, surrounded by architectural delights, breathing in the smog and thinking, “I’m free!” After a little bit of time, I started to feel like myself again. That quiet voice inside of me started to speak louder, to sound like it had when I was younger, my true self. My passions and hobbies were easier to practice without onlooking, judgemental eyes. Strangers became friends, blissfully unaware of my nerdy and awkward reputation, free to come to their own conclusions based on our shared experiences alone. Was it the distance that had allowed me a renewed access to myself or was it simply that I was maturing? Or healing? Perhaps D, all of the above. Who’s to say, but either way it felt great.
After finally shedding the weight of schoolyard banality, I had the strength to start to build something. Being abroad at that time gave me a confidence I never would have acquired by staying at home. It was a little bit like doing a living room workout versus going to a gym. Sure, you can have great results by doing at-home workouts! Going to the gym, however, where you’ve got a coach to train you and more equipment than you know how to use, pushes you to the limit. Generally speaking, your twenties provide you with your first experiences living as an adult, paying the rent, working a full-time job, putting utilities in your name, managing a home, the list goes on… because I was abroad, I had to do all of these things in a system I was unfamiliar with and, what’s more, I had to do it all in a foreign language! Tasks as simple as mailing a letter required concentrated effort. With every failure, I built resilience and, with every mild success, I felt like more and more of a rock star.
Before I knew it, my newfound confidence and I took our show on the road. Tired of city life, and looking for a new challenge, I moved to a small coastal town called Gaeta. I’d found a pocket of friends there and if there’s one thing Italians do really well, it’s community. Starting all over (again!) in a new town felt natural and fun this time around. Plus, rather than being just a number in a bustling metropolis, the transfer of a six foot tall, curly haired girl with fluent Italian to a much smaller environment garnered quite a bit of curiosity. I was the most interesting person in the room. If my confidence had started to make a comeback, the compliments towards my language skills, friendliness of locals, and strangers taking an interest in my life only made me feel more like a celebrity. I finally was having a taste of the kind of self image everyone should have, a lethal combination of poise and tenacity, and it leaked happily into every corner of my life, from relationships to my career. And even though I was certainly not a celebrity, my growing chutzpah led to a chance encounter with Italian director Stefano Veneruso, which led to working with Hollywood greats like Ed Saxon (producer of The Silence of the Lambs), Michael Radford (Director of Il Postino), and Shirley Maclaine and Christopher Plummer. Not only that, but I didn’t hide my body at the beach anymore, and had my espresso standing at the bar in a bikini without a cover up like the other Italians. I started asking for what I wanted from my relationships. I became a tour guide and met 20 new people A DAY from all over the world. And now here I am meeting YOU; that is, if we don’t know each other and you’re reading this, please reach out because I would love to meet you!
Everyone’s journey is unique, of course, and another obvious point is that you get out of any experience what you put into it. And let me be quite transparent with you, it was not (and continues not to be) a bed of roses most of the time. Perhaps I can write a blog post about some failures abroad, too. All in all, moving abroad blessed me with so many interesting experiences that I’d never have dreamed of! Who knows what experiences are awaiting you! As difficult as they were, though, I really do have to thank my twenties for the opportunity. Why? Because in spite of all the growth, I never would have had the courage (stupidity?) later in my life. That pre-developed frontal cortex was great at feeling invincible and not considering any of the long term consequences of such a drastic life change. Frankly, as you get older, you simply have too much to lose and that’s why I thank God I moved abroad when it was right for me. So, if I met my younger self for coffee, what would I say? Upon deeper consideration, I suppose I would say nothing at all. I would greet her warmly and with open arms, and then I would let her tell me anything and everything with an attentive ear and a knowing smile, as all adults should do with young people… and then I would pay for her coffee.
